I have had a rather interesting week and thought I would share my process in hopes that it might help someone else out there in our community that may be going through something similar. I am very lucky to have the loving support from my “podmates” but I know that not everyone has that luxury. I have been trying to decide just how personal I should get with this story and should I share the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Or should I hold back? I feel like the full expression of the story should be told, so here goes.
A couple of weeks ago I received a letter from my mother. Now anyone who knows me knows that my mother is a letter writer. I have received many a letter over the years with Bible verses splattered throughout. Whether it was meant as admonishment or to get me on the straight and narrow, I really couldn’t tell you. On this particular day, I pulled the envelope from the mailbox. Instantly I knew what it was going to be about and was formulating responses in my head as I walked back to the house. I sit down to have lunch and read the letter and the pit in my stomach grows. My mother has caught wind of my woo-woo activities from some well-meaning individual I am sure. You see, my mother has a very specific belief system regarding all of the things I do. I have not shared with her over the years because I knew it would cause her distress, so why would I hurt her when it won’t change anything for her or for me. The letter is as I had felt it would be, full of admonishments and scripture texts. She told me that I was working with Satan and leading people down the wrong path. This truly hurt my heart and caused all of the religious trauma I had grown up with to come screaming back. Doing healing work on some level has been part of my life path, in different avenues. Now I am doing it through mediumship and energy work. Doing this work truly fills my heart with so much love and appreciation for spirit, for my fellow human family. I see the healing that occurs on peoples’ faces when they connect with a loved one in spirit. My heart knows what my truth is but little girl Brenda Sue feels the sting of disapproval from my parent that I have disappointed. So, how do you respond to this kind of feedback from someone that you love? I did what I also do best, writing out my feelings in a letter to my mother. I called in my ancestors to help me to write words that express my heart and also see my mother. I saw my mother, a little girl growing up in a home with an alcoholic and unpredictable father. A little girl who was afraid often, a young woman who wanted to protect the people she cared about. So she created this safe little box where she could place her belief system in. A set of rules to follow that will allow her to be “right” or “good” and ultimately “safe.” I have tremendous respect for my mother, she gave us a home that she didn’t have. So did everything she could to keep us safe. I appreciate that I didn’t have to grow up the way that she did. I see her, I understand her, and I love her.
How do you move past that old messaging? The old stories that pop back up in your head. What if all of this is bad and wrong? Then my heart says, you know Brenda, only you know your own truth, only you can live our own life, only you can take the next step on your path. So here I am, the medium. I love everything about doing this work so I shall continue and I will also continue to love my mother. How do you respond when you get the push back from friends and relatives? Is it just a hick-up on your path? Is it some kind of a test? For me, I think it is about finding my own voice and understanding that not everyone will understand or approve and that I can figure out how to be okay with that. My wish for you is that you find your voice.
Love to you all!
Brenda Sue Jean Louise Jolene III