Hello, dear ones, and to those of you who celebrate it – Happy Thanksgiving! It’s Aaron here from The Ohm-G Podcast to echo some of the themes from previous newsletters (from both Brenda and myself).
Be Gentle With You.
I recently was in a bit of a depressive funk. It was mostly work related, as well as stemming from resisting sitting in stillness and feeling my feelings rather than numbing them with a myriad of methods.
I put so much pressure on myself and talk so cruelly to myself sometimes internally. I’m hateful to myself about my appearance and body – things I’ve struggled with since I was very young. I’m critical of the things I eat and drink, and how they impact my weight and body. I’m not motivated to exercise or go to the gym, and am hard on myself for that, too.
On days off, I often get so worked up mentally with my anxiety and self-hatred that I grow exhausted and end up taking a nap, which makes me feel even more depressed and feeling useless – even though I know that rest is recharging and IS productive.
I put so many other people and things and tasks in front of myself, and in the end, one day, all I will have is myself – and then what? You can’t put water in your car instead of gas and oil and expect it to work. The same is obviously true for ourselves and bodies.
Christian, my sweet husband, asked me after one of these mid-afternoon depression naps, if I was “okay”? And I broke down crying. It was like a volcano erupting. He held me and told me so many kind, beautiful things about myself and reassured me that the world would keep spinning if I don’t do the dishes or go to the grocery store or grade papers, etc. As I cried and he held me, I realized that I am putting these expectations and pressures on myself – no one else – and that I am responsible for the relationship with myself, the most important one in my life, and that I would never dream of talking to a loved one the way that I talk to myself inside my head. I also realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I cried (probably when I was dancing on my own a few months back and had a past-life vision) – what a nice release it is to cry.
Today, I am thankful for so many things in my life; I’m especially grateful to be moving and shifting out of this depressive funk and start being kind and gentle with myself. It is an everyday battle. Gotta love mental illness, right?
I’m so thankful for each and every one of you reading this – those of you who engage with us, who listen to each episode and feel like you’re sitting there at the table with us (we feel you with us in spirit, for sure).
I’m so thankful for the reminder that it is my duty to myself to speak kindly, lovingly, gently, and to act as though I am sacred light, because I am and so are you. I hope you find some inspiration in this letter, or at the very least, to know that you are certainly not alone in fighting this fight to love yourself in a world that wants – expects and demands, rather – the exact opposite from us.
I know the holidays can be a difficult time for so many folks in the Woo World, myself included, but I’m grateful for YOU. I’m thankful for friends and family, blood and chosen, near and far, and for the community this podcast has helped us cultivate. During this season of harvesting, I hope you feel the love and gratitude pouring out from all of us here on the podcast to all of you.